Overcoming Jealousy in blogging

Do you ever feel jealousy over other people’s blogs? I know I do.

5 steps to overcoming blogger jealously

I’ve been meaning to write this post for well over 6 months after I first heard a mini episode of After the Jump (by Grace Bonnie of Design Sponge fame) that dealt with the very subject of Jealousy. It’s one of those dirty secret subjects that would be easier to ignore and pretend we didn’t experience.

Jealousy is that emotion you feel when you want something that someone else has. When boiled down it makes you feel anxious, fearful, angry and/or humiliated. In blogging, it can make you decide you don’t like someone when in actual fact you are jealous of them or envy what they have.

Some people feel it stronger than others. I remember when I first started to blog, I couldn’t read other blogs as that feeling of inadequacy would seep in and stop me dead in my tracks. I have read countless times that the key is not to compare ourselves to others, but that is actually really hard to do (for me anyway) because jealousy is a natural emotion that can be stealth in its appearance.

But Grace approached jealousy from her wise, down-to-earth stance and made me see that perhaps this emotion isn’t so bad and we could be doing ourselves a disservice if we don’t face it head on.

“[Jealousy] can be one of the most powerful and healthy tools we have to process our own wants, needs and goals.” – Grace Bonnie

When you can feel that green-eyed monster under the surface, this is the time to stop and address what you are actually wanting from life and turn the fear and anxiety into motivation to achieve. Here’s how.

Mindfulness

First thing’s first, we need to acknowledge the feeling. If you have read anything about Mindfulness, you will know this technique of observing the world around you and our own feelings. Notice that you feel jealous without judgement; it is a natural emotion that everyone feels at some point in their life.

Investigate your feelings

Once you have acknowledged that you feel jealous, it should lose some of it’s power so you can concentrate on what exactly are you feeling jealous of. Is it amazing photos, a great design, fabulous clients, or the fact they won an award, seem more popular, are funnier, etc. Deconstruct what you are feeling.

Find out more about the person

You may be jealous because someone’s life seems perfect or they have great opportunities but the chances are they work their bums off to get where they are and their life isn’t so perfect. They are someone to admire and be inspired by!

“You cannot hope to sweep someone else away by the force of your writing until it has been done to you.” Stephen King

Make a plan

Once you know what you’re envious of (a book deal, top 10 in a blogging chart, etc.), you can make a plan to get there yourself! Forget about those self-depreciating feelings of not being good enough, or that it’s all too competitive. Blogging is not a zero sum game and achieving anything in life takes time and dedication. Acknowledging what we would like and planning how to get there will get us a lot closer to our goals than jealousy! You just need to follow your plan.

Make friends

You know that person we felt jealous of? Reach out to them in a genuine way, make friends or see if you can work together! Some of my best blogging friendships started out as jealousy and now their hard work is rubbing off on me.

How do you deal with jealousy in blogging?

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18 comments on Overcoming Jealousy in blogging

  1. Suzy Turner
    October 15, 2015 at 9:04 pm (3 years ago)

    What a fab post! Jealousy is something so real, especially in the blogging world where it’s so plain to see when some bloggers appear to be doing so much ‘better’ than others. I usually look at them with envy but it excites me because I know I can be successful too. It’s just a matter of time, hard work and lots of fun in the meantime!
    Suzy x
    http://www.suzyturner.com
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  2. mrs Tubbs
    October 16, 2015 at 10:11 am (3 years ago)

    The advice about working out what it is that you’re jealous of and then channel that energies into working out how you can achieve similar things. is excellent. Sometimes when you look at it more closely, you realise that alot has gone into getting them to that place and there are things you can do to achieve similar things on your own terms . Or, you may decide that you actually don’t want it that much as the sacrifices are too great. Have a lovely week

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  3. Mummy & Bean
    October 16, 2015 at 10:19 am (3 years ago)

    Really great post. I think it’s important to remember that the image we portray online is not always what happens in real life. Blog posts are snap shots of the best bits, or sometimes the worst depending on your blogging style. Everyone’s different. I’ve been a self-published writer now for three years and blogging for eight. It’s really difficult to keep the envy in check and remember we are all at different stages in our journey. The Envy always leads to worry that I should be doing more. When I feel like this I ask myself, are you the best you can be at this point in time if the answer is yes, then what is there to worry about? The other thing I try to remember is, envy is good because it inspires us to do better 🙂 Linking up via #TheList
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  4. Jodie Allen at Budget Beauty and Babies
    October 16, 2015 at 10:32 am (3 years ago)

    Shamefully I have to admit I felt a little like this at first. What helped me overcome this was simply chatting to other bloggers on twitter! Simple but it made me feel accepted within the community and my jealousy is now gone. I focus on how much I have achieved in a short space of time and I am honestly proud of all the other amazing bloggers who are driven enough to create something amazing. #TheList

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  5. Rebecca U
    October 16, 2015 at 12:13 pm (3 years ago)

    This is a really useful post. It is so easy to be envious of what others have but I have had to realise that at the moment, I can’t do anymore than I am, timewise. Understanding your feelings and being at peace is so important #thelist
    Rebecca U recently posted…How We Earn AirMiles to TravelMy Profile

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  6. Catie: An imperfect mum
    October 16, 2015 at 12:39 pm (3 years ago)

    I totally agree that we should harness our jealous and turn it into a positive. Looking at why you are jealous can help you identify your wants/needs. As a recovering perfectionist and mum to a special needs child I am learning not to judge worth against others achievements but against your own. It is important to focus on how far you have come. #thelist
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  7. rachel (Lifeofmyfamilyandme.com)
    October 16, 2015 at 1:54 pm (3 years ago)

    Jealously can be dealt with in many different ways. I suppose i deal with Jealously differently depending on the situation. #TheList
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  8. ali
    October 16, 2015 at 5:10 pm (3 years ago)

    brilliant words and very brave to admit your initial feelings. I have the opposite where reading other blogs gives me imposter syndrome as I don’t feel good enough to be entering the whole blog thing. Everyone else seems better and I’m in awe! #thelist
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  9. Claire at Tin Box Traveller
    October 16, 2015 at 6:37 pm (3 years ago)

    This is such a helpful post about something that I think we all feel at some point in our blogging careers, if not regularly. I’m generally quite a postive person so like to turn what could be a negative feeling into positive action. You’ll never get anywhere with your blog if you just sit back and seethe #thelist
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  10. Chloe
    October 16, 2015 at 7:32 pm (3 years ago)

    What a brilliant post. Jealousy really is a funny thing and can definitely go one of two ways. Either positive or negative

    I can really relate to the above. I am always mindful of jealousy and I always investigate my feelings (but I am a very emotionally driven/emotionally aware person). For the most part, I find that when I feel jealous about something or someone, I then try and find out more about the person (or blog) and then the jealousy really swiftly turns into full on admiration. This admiration then turns into motivation, inspiration and drive for my own life/blog.

    Jealousy, if utilised right, can be such a positive.

    However jealousy that turns negative, aka into hatred, trolling and sabotage (I’ve been on the receiving end of that before 🙁 ) is so awful.

    You’ve definitely hit the spot with this post. It’s going to be so many people realise that jealousy can be a good thing! x

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  11. LadyNicci
    October 17, 2015 at 12:34 pm (3 years ago)

    The more I follow bloggers and get into blogging I have noticed myself getting very envious of other successful bloggers. Not sure it’s quite jealousy yet, but definitely staggered at some of the success stories, stats presented! So, like you outline above, it’s prob ok to feel like this and I have to set my own goals and work towards them. Also when I have got speaking to people, in person, I’ve found they’re very relatable. #thelist
    LadyNicci recently posted…Nothing to hold. Nothing to grieve. Nothing.My Profile

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  12. Nikki Frank-Hamilton
    October 19, 2015 at 12:57 am (3 years ago)

    This post sure made me think. I know I’ve been jealous, or envious of things other bloggers have. But in the end it has pushed me to find out how I could achieve something similar with my own twist. We don’t have the same talents or knowledge or niche, so I try to take the feelings and turn them into a positive. After of course I feel a bit sorry for myself first! LOL Thanks for the tips, it will help me move on faster.

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  13. Lara
    October 19, 2015 at 11:12 am (3 years ago)

    Fantastic post Hannah, thank you. It’s so easy these days to make a judgement on someone’s life via social media and feel envious, but I think it’s important to remember that what we see is probably only 10% of normal life…the “perfect” side to someone’s life and not the other 90% which is probably slightly less sugar coated 🙂 xx
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  14. Sam
    October 22, 2015 at 10:20 pm (3 years ago)

    I think I came to at least part of this realisation a while back Hannah. I’d been blogging for a while and there were some new blogs on the block – blogs that already looked so much more professional, clean and successful than mine and I began feeling jealous and resentful and taking against someone I didn’t even know. For some reason I managed to tell myself, be nice and find out some more about this person, and almost straight away I found out that she is so lovely – one of my very favourite bloggers now, and behind the scenes, you’re right, things were by no means perfect. I think I learnt a huge amount about managing my green-eyed monster right there! Xx
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  15. Su {Ethan & Evelyn}
    October 24, 2015 at 2:52 pm (3 years ago)

    Great post advice here. I do get jealous but it makes me work even harder so I can get to where other bloggers are. But I don’t hate – hate is a very strong word but rather I appreciate and admire them as I now they have worked their asses off too! Thankfully, I haven’t had any bad or negative comments about my blog yet and I hope to keep it that way. I want my blog to be a friendly one, to inspire and be inspired. 🙂
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  16. Liane
    October 25, 2015 at 11:10 am (3 years ago)

    What a great idea to turn jealously into a positive thing! Fantastic post 🙂

    Reply

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